Self-portrait 1: Plant Head

This photograph takes inspiration from the photos of American filmmaker Maya Deren. I love images with a dramatically intense atmosphere like the ones taken by Deren. Her ability to translate movement into a picture was unmatched, like in A Study in Choreography for Camera (1945). I chose a photo that captured the subtlety of movement. That is why the image is slightly blurred but still stagnant, in keeping with my style.

THE EDITING PROCESS

I took the original photo in natural lighting. It was downcast that day, and I struggled to find adequate lighting, causing the final product to look washed out. The washed-out look was the anthesis of the experimental mood I was attempting to capture.

The retouching process carried the heavy weight of evoking drama. Ultimately this photo was the perfect candidate for experimentation.

This photo went through an intense editing process. I started by fixing the lighting. I increased the highlights and exposure but left the shadows alone. Next, I used a cross-process filter to make the photo look aged like the ones taken by Deren in the 1940s.

I also changed the contrast multiple times throughout the editing process until I was satisfied with the result. I added the final touches with halftone filter then I added more contrast.

Self-portrait 2

Why would I need your blood when I already have my mother’s? Mom had already laid the foundation for love with long working hours, attendance at parent-teacher meetings, consistent vision therapy, lashings from the belt, and a room filled with stuffed animals and toys that played a disappearing act every time I broke the rules. Mom attempted to spackle the hole in my heart with love, but she still held her pain and inflicted it on me. It’s sad to say but you both taught me how to dangle and withhold love, though I don’t think you meant to. Nana used to say I was only nice when I wanted something. When she said it the first time I was a sour eleven years old glaring in the middle of a Publix. We were standing next to one of the displays in between the paper towel aisle and the frozen packaged meat section. I refused to talk to Nana because I couldn’t scream and throw a fit like the White kid three aisles down. I think I was mad because she wouldn’t buy me a suffered animal - a little bear or something - I’m not sure. As I pouted she looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re only nice when you want something.” I was deeply offended because I thought that Mom had taught me differently, but I know now that her words held some truth. As a child, I hurt, and I didn’t want my mom, brother, cousin, or aunt. I didn’t want my grandparents. I wanted my father. You wanted a picture-perfect daddy-daughter relationship. We both wanted something. I wasn’t going to be nice until I got what I wanted.

Snippet from I Know A Little More Now by Haleigh D.